everything you need.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE SOMEDAY

2008-08-01T03:42:32Z

We're all gonna die someday lord
We're all gonna die someday
Mama's on pills daddy's over the hill
But we're all gonna die someday
Well it hurts down here on Earth lord
It hurts down here on Earth
It hurts down here cause we're running out of beer
But we're all gonna die someday

We're all gonna die someday lord
We're all gonna die someday
Mama's on pills daddy's over the hill
But we're all gonna die someday

Well all of my friends are stonned lord
All of my friends are stonned
Janie got stonned cause she couldn't get boned
But we're all gonna die someday

We're all gonna die someday lord
We're all gonna die someday
Mama's on pills daddy's over the hill
But we're all gonna die someday

Well they can all kiss my ass lord
They can all kiss my ass
If they want to kiss my ass well they better make it fast
'Cos we're all gonna die someday

We're all gonna die someday lord
We're all gonna die someday
Mama's on pills daddy's over the hill
But we're all gonna die someday

I say

We're all gonna die someday lord
We're all gonna die someday
Mama's on pills daddy's over the hill
But we're all gonna die someday

ATTENTION ALL READERS

2008-07-31T04:17:24Z

1.Name:
2.Birthday:
3.Where do you live:
4.IM:
5.What are you studying/What are you working as:
6.What makes you happy:
7.What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
8.What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
9.An interesting fact about you:
10.Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
11.Favorite place to be:
12.Favorite lyric:
13. Best time of the year:
14.Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1.A film:
2.A book:
3.A song:
4.A band:

PLUS
1.One thing you like about me:
2.Two things you like about yourself:
3.Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?

They're not listening still, perhaps they never will

2008-07-21T01:01:45Z

This morning I woke up with this song in my head even though I haven't heard it in years.
Especially these lyrics

"how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how

"You took your life
as lovers often do;
But I could have told you
Vincent
this world was never
meant for one
as beautiful as you."

I did two projects in school about Vincent Van Gogh, and my interest in him has resparked somehow.

He's a fascinating guy.
Some strange mix of mental illness, genius and tragedy.
Here are the whole lyrics:
It makes me feel bittersweet.

Starry
starry night
paint your palette blue and grey

look out on a summer's day
with eyes that know the
darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills
sketch the trees and the daffodils

catch the breeze and the winter chills

in colors on the snowy linen land.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how

perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry
starry night
flaming flo'rs that brightly blaze

swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain

weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist's
loving hand.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you
but still your love was true

and when no hope was left in sight on that starry
starry night.
You took your life
as lovers often do;
But I could have told you
Vincent
this world was never
meant for one
as beautiful as you.

Starry
starry night
portraits hung in empty halls

frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes
that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the stranger that you've met

the ragged men in ragged clothes

the silver thorn of bloddy rose
lie crushed and broken
on the virgin snow.
And now I think I know what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity

how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they're not
list'ning still
perhaps they never will.

leaves me feeling empty

2008-07-16T04:21:24Z

In year 11 drama, 5 years ago we were asked to think of a song and do a monologue about it. I haven't kept the script that I used but it was the only time I got an A+ in drama. It was the only solo performance that year I can remember as I always got stuck in group performances who didn't really give too much of a shit about drama. Pretty sure they all dropped out by the end. Anyway, here are the song lyrics. The other week I was bored at work and wrote a short story based on this song. Its on my Dads laptop so when I get access to that I'll post it too as I'm quite proud of it.

Dashboard Confessional - Again I Go Unnoticed.

So quiet
Another wasted night
The television steals the conversation
Exhale
Another wasted breath
Again it goes unnoticed

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
'cause if it's more than that I fear that I might break
Out of touch out of time
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
'cause I can't read your rolling eyes
Out of touch are we out of time

Close lipped
Another goodnight kiss
Is robbed of all its passion
Your grip
Another time is slack
It leaves me feeling empty

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
'cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break
Out of touch out of time
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
'cause I can't stand your rolling eyes
Out of touch, are we out of time

I'll wait until tomorrow
Maybe you'll feel better then
Maybe we'll be better then
So what's another day
When I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you
This mood of yours is temporary
It seems worth the wait
To see you smile again
Out of the corner of your eye
Won’t be the only way you're looking at me then

So quiet
Another wasted night
The television steals the conversation
Exhale
Another wasted breath
Again it goes unnoticed

its not worth...

2008-07-01T10:13:22Z

telling boys to put the toilet seat down.

they'll never learn.

:P

everything in its right place

2008-06-29T13:06:14Z

loving a few people right now :)

now just gotta get fit & healthy for this ball!

nye resolution

2007-12-31T17:59:39Z

don't get fucked up
in any way
its always bad

ALLLLLLLLLLLWAYS.

i've been innceont tonight
thank you
*takes bow like that of the redheaded chick from sister act 2*
and star.

took more effort then normally needed.
fucking shift.
fuck you shift
NYE resolution
no more shift.
yeah take that.

see how it feels

...stuck in the middle with you

2007-11-19T12:37:48Z

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

HERE I AM.

blargin

2007-11-15T01:02:51Z

public speaking. I speak a lot. But publicly, planned? Last time was in year 10, the champion Kilvington Debating team! Or it may have been year 9. Blergh. Whatever. I have to prepare a 21st speech for Erin's birthday. And have two days to do it. Have not even started.
Ohshitohshitohshitohshit.

I will say um alot.

a question to those who read this.

2007-11-12T10:01:52Z

Will you be in melbourne and available around the 3rd or 4th January?

Trying to organise my 21st and see what the general availability of everyone is. Although there are only a very small few people who read this, tell me.

GUESS WHAT?

2007-10-31T04:01:26Z

Vodka doesn't freeze
Vodka doesn't freeze
Vodka doesn't freeze

AND.

I'm making a screenplay! I'm gonna make a movie.
Its already 10 pages long. Kate's the mainstar. Its a dramacomedy play.

I may post the script soon. Its pretty good I have to say.

EYEHEARTYOU

2007-10-28T02:18:55Z

v.v.much.
you know who you are.
may be a few of you
;);)
and other emoticons of the sexual kind.

<3
<3
<3

single line post

2007-10-07T14:42:23Z

Some people are freaking fantastic. That's all.

come back internet

2007-08-09T12:21:04Z

this ext box is way fucked up, it only has three characters per side so i have t touch type because this is just dissuading me. stupid fucking internet. haven't been on in ages and i keep thinking of things i want to write or look up, but of course when push comes to shove, i can't even log into myspace or to MSN! I am fully hanging out for this new house... and wrote a whole little ranty blog on the tags line but it deleted itself. Whoever said macs are easier to work with are LIASS

CHEATER

- ping pong - operator please. Ok this text box is really deterring me. and some footy dickhead is in the background whinging about drug accusations. Why is it that nearly all Aussie rules players are boring and aussiebogan bloke numbskills.... gah.
give me a skinny pale nerd any day.

in the corner getting high.

2007-07-12T04:33:17Z

I'm on a bit of a wave in my life.
it would make a good movie.

And i realise, I FUCKING LOVE ALL OF YOU.

don't want to live in fear anymore.

self discovery 101

Nearly everyone I've met over the time I've loved at one time, if not right now.
Put photos up of some people I've encountered over the years, will try to get more.

Even if you're in the next room (kate, sean, mum, dad and the cat), you're one of the many who have only seen me drunk at a party, or I haven't seen you in 10 years, or I've kissed you at some point, or one of my many crushes, or you're a kilvo, or a sandy kid or i've gigged it up with you, or gotten high with you or eaten with you, hugged you, spoke to you, come across you, have personal jokes, lived in my neighbourhood ,or you're someone who used to be a friend, or a friend of a friend, a friend of the family, from the various local communities, only know me as being so and so's sister, or you are my sister, or brother or mother or father or aunty or uncle or grandparent or teacher or doctor, or musician i've never met or you saw me at music festivals, or you don't like me, or you've danced with me at ska gigs and we never spoke or you live on the other side of the world, or I don't know about you but have read about you in history books or you're a character in a movie or you're my cat.

Everyone has so many different talents and capabilities and are all amazing people in so many different ways.

I FUCKING LOVE YOU

note to self: really try to put above theory into practise.

your mission should you choose to accept it is to think of all the different people and relationships and encounters you've had over the years and then tell me why you would ever want to end it.

so if you remember times we've encountered, let me know and let people from the past know in some surreal myspace-intented bulletin or message or scribble or graf art. if you see someone you've met a few times but didn't really know and you make eye contact, don't just walk past. smile and say hi.
</font>

You'll never now how much I love you.

2007-07-12T04:19:09Z

And other myspace gems...

I was reading Gemma's blog (She's quite an impressive writer, even if she doesn't have much to write about) and saw my name on her blog subscription list.

How do I found out who is subscribed to my blog? I would like to know who would bother with my incessant crap. And do people subscribe just because I've subscribed to theirs or because they genuinely want to know what I crap on about in a myspace blog? (Which funnily enough, isn't as detailed or self piteous as I would in a livejournal)

Oh and the Spice Girls are doing a reunion tour, and will be coming to Sydney January 17th. Scoff, laugh, heckle if you will, but judging by the reply to my bulletin, it is going to be a 2 second sell out, so I'm going to have to do anything to get those tickets.

Who else is thinking of going? Have a costume party this weekend, so excited. The theme is millionaires, hobos and game characters, I'm going to go as a funky japanese Dance Dance Revolution dancer. Lots of photos will be taken I'm sure.

Four hours left and then its my weekend! WOO.

verbal excrement
Category: Blogging

What do you do when someone close to you is going through a hard time? I mean, the obvious conclusion is to be there for them and offer support and do everything you can for them.
Which is right.
But what do you do when that person pushes you away? When all they want to hear is happy words and moral support and that everything is going to be ok. The candy flavoured bullshi*. Not necessarily the truth, because the truth hurts like a knife to the heart sometimes.
So many times we don't want to handle the truth because we can't handle it (Thank you Jack Nicholson, more than just a classic movie line, its actually appropriate)
Alot of the time its hard to decipher who are those who will be there for you in the short term and who will be there in the short term. And it isn't always who'd you'd think.

If only I could be more compassionate. If only I could say what you wanted to hear, and give and give and give. But I'm not that much of a charitable person. Some people say I'm brutally honest, even more people say I'm just a bitch. Both are right.
But I'm also more sensitive than you would think. And when someone pushes me away, I learn to stay away untill they approach me to let me back. Too many times I've tried too soon. Maybe in a while, once the dust has settled, I'll try again. But not any time soon, I'm weak. That said, I also know I'll crack in a few days and try to bridge the gap with one of the three. But I know everybody pushes people away when they don't always mean it. So let them have their bullshit. Let them have those characters from the past pop up out of the blue (or the ones that always have been around) for support and words about a situation in which they know very little about. Watch them take it upon themselves and get upset about how "one of their closest friends" is going through a hard time and therefore they are too. God knows everyone loves to feel sorry for themselves. And once when they've squeezed that little lemon dry, watch them leave just as quickly. The ones that stay, well good on them. But there's obviously a reason they'd left your life in the first place. And the ones that leave aren't really doing anything wrong. Different lifes lead different paths, you do what you can, and then you move on. And the ones that do stay and are genuine will make you realise more and more how much you don't need people like me.

The most common complaint I get from Mark about my behaviour is that I say too much. If I have a concern about something, I voice it nearly all of the time, no matter how inappropriate the situation is. Then again, I often misread the situation, and don't realise how much of what I can say hurts the feelings. I just say things that don't need to be said.
And if someone is honest to you in their opinion, and it isn't what you what you want to hear, then react. For goodness sake, get it out, disagree with them but try not to link the irrelevant things. Don't let that bundle. Deal with your shit as it comes. Don't let it all bundle up and then make the small things seem like something so much bigger. I'd also suggest not bringing it up in front of other people, for their comforts sake, but I've never been good at hiding how I feel and neither is the person I'm thinking of.

But also don't expect me to come crawling back any time soon. All I was trying to do was throw some reality into the situation. So you didn't want to hear it. I misread that one. Again. Once bitten...

Everyone wants to be away from certain people at a certain stage in their life. And right now I have three who have made it clear they don't want to be as close to me. I know its my fault. I need to learn to lie more, or just shut up when its needed. And just because you need support from someone doesn't mean that they want to or are emotionally capable of giving it to you. Never try to estimate someones emotional strength and capability. They will surprise you.

And maybe you need to be alone.
So what resolution comes out of this?

I won't restructure this to make it flow better. This is what I think. No time for second drafts.

6:53 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

19 May 2007

lj

don't know exactly why i don't post blogs on myspace. i just don't. too many people, can't let those vulnerable feelings be exposed.

only on livejournal. gittitnow

3:03 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

22 Apr 2007

every silver lining...

just bought a new computer. a mad rockin' new computer with all the awesome bells and whistles.

THEN WHY ISN'T IT WORKING? I AM SO MAD!

GKERHGRKEHGR WEUGHEKWYELQ WIY:QW:ELGRWEL RLWEHGRELHWEL
FUCKING COMPUTER, WORK DAMN YOU!!!!

9:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

20 Mar 2007

i hate myself and i want to die

not really.

I just really don't like being sick. its all crap. except that i get to miss work.

and i might miss another day.

feel a little floaty and whatnot with all the paracetomol in my body. and it hurts to talk but its probably not really a bad thing to not talk for a day

have stopped capitalizing my i's and using full stops when necessary infact all punctuation has just gone out the door

everybody loves raymond really isn't that funny. i spend too much time on photoshop trying to insert luke into a drink photo. but i did a good job.

oh and my ipod won't working. every small electronic item i have is dysfunctional dammit

le illiterate. i can't really write when i'm in a good mood (which is more often that you'd think) but when i'm sick and in a bad mood, the retardness that goes with being sick outweighs whatever literate ability i have due to bad mood.

i was on perezhilton.com which lead me to research a female to male transgender porn star called Buck Angel. Had a picture of this really buff biker type guy with no pants on, and a VAGINA. Its weird how accustomed you are to see male-to-female transgender... regardless of genitals. but. yeah.

don't know where i'm going with this. it was weird.

8:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

03 Dec 2006

-vert

What is it about somebody that you can label them as being either an extrovert or an introvert?

You'd think it would be really easy, for example if somebody talks a lot, is slightly obnoxious and seems to say whatever is on their mind no matter how rude it seems, then its generally assumed that they are an extrovert.

But what about those cases that defy the stereotype? Real life study: Somebody who loves drama, and will always play in character and joke around and be over the top, but when they're not in character, they're fairly quiet and don't express much emotion about anything in particular to anybody. So much so, that even their closest friends admit to not knowing anything really about what they feel about certain situations.

I've been told that I am an extrovert. Why though? Because I get drunk alot and frequently make a dick out of myself? It doesn't take an extrovert to do that. Because sometimes I am blunt about things that a lot of people wouldn't have the guts to say? That's just a lack of social skills.

If I'm such an extrovert, then why would I turn down four perfectly good offers to go out on a saturday night?
Why does the idea of being around a large group of people make me a little paranoid and anti social, when I'd much rather be around one or two people (Who, on this night, would rather be in a large group?) Smile and be happy for the cameras.

Think of everyone you know and whether they are intro or extro. but they probably won't be either.

Currently listening :
Stadium Arcadium
By Red Hot Chili Peppers
Release date: 09 May, 2006

fuck it

2007-07-08T13:04:42Z

what a contradiction. i've been re-establishing old friendships and enjoying life and loving getting to know people and shit, but in the last few days

a) i've been moving to another temp house and preparing for my awesome new one
b) been retrenched from work, given two weeks notice, six weeks pay, and seriously contemplating being unemployed and trying to get some soul r&r soon, despite everyone saying "Err get a job, don't be a bludger" but fuck I want to
c) katie nolan, who was widely blamed as being the reason of matt who killed himeslf recently (also my sisters ex) hung herself on saturday night. she went to kilvington, had just turned 17 years old.
fucking tragic as.
i'm pretty out of it at the moment and have been dwelling on all this dramatic shit, and am currently zombie like so probably should go to sleep.

but i'm trying to look to the positive and move on and be good.

I'm gonna go go go go, there's no stopping me, I'm burning through the sky, 200 degrees, thats why they call me Mr. fahrenheit. I'm travelling at the speed of light.
i wanna make a supersonic man of you.
don't stop me now, i'm having such a good time.

and double time.

2007-06-24T14:48:02Z

Incase anyone was wondering, I'm feeling alot better now.
A little of that has to do with listening to a song about ping pong.
Also, alot has to do with I can't always get what I want. I really don't like that. But alot of the time I eventually do. And tonight I did.
Next weekend is shaping up to be really, really good.
Although this weekend I did get to see the Vasco Era and hang out with the lovable rampaging Erin.
Thanks!
P.S. I can't write much when I'm happy.

But i know what i have done

2007-06-18T13:07:43Z

I wish there was a dimmer on my bedroom light. I really fucking do. Maybe I should ask Mum and Dad if I can have one installed in the new house. its probably too late. So instead, its a Monday night and I'm lying in bed with sunglasses on. Thats kind of the light I'm trying to achieve.

I am so bloody obsessive with particular films, tv shows, people and very much so, songs.
Anyone who knows me knows some songs of recent obsession (by that I mean listening atleast seven times a day) have been

1) Where did you sleep last night - Nirvana
2) Black Tongue - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
3) Flame - Bob Evans
4) No Rain - Blind Melon
5) We're all in this together - Ben Lee

And the most recent addition:

I'm going to stop pretending - The Eels.

Its wonderful. Off the album Blinking lights and other revelations. He was going through a bit of a shit when he made it, which makes it all the better. Actually more a shit during the making of electro shock blues. Look it up. Yeah.

Playcount just for today: 10.

And its not even on the iriver yet.

Ping Versus Pong

2007-06-15T14:33:24Z

NEVER in all my many years as a human have I witnessed such thick consistant fog to last throughout a whole day. I really want some more, it adds the eeriest feeling to all sorts of scenarios, like a constant horror movie.
but in day light.
and in ordinary situations.
and no zombies
or cemetaries in sight.
fkgtgkjfkgfjgkfjgk

Seemed like a lot of good photography opportunities... I was inside all day. Did anyone get any good shots? Ehhh. I'll just wait for the paper tomorrow.

Tonight I was at a french-named restaraunt in a rather hip trendy suburb and out the front in the trendy high seats there was a man with a crew cut and a lovely designer suit, a glass of (what I'm thinking was fine) red and chain smoking cigarettes. Every possible idea that he could have been enigmatic, professional, moody, charming, reclusive, Patrick-Bateman was ruined when I realised his choice of literature, precariously perked on his lap was the herald sun.

is it strange that for such an image its a turn off?
i mean, i read the herald sun. but i didn't think he would.

p.s chinese/straw/button/portabello mushrooms are all awesome.
i'm craving mushrooms. get that baby mushroom out of here

what a silly bulletin to be posting.
anyone who's read this is probably glad its not just a shitty trivia.
just a fog and mushroom appreciation post.

Oh, and Ben Lee.
He's good for this time of year when you're on your own. Or you have a friend you can quote his simple lyrics to and just bring him up in conversation. (thats right, b-mouse)

i'm actually in a good mood.
this is a nice feeling.
|-------------------------------------------------|
|-12h14-14-12h14-14-12h14-14-12h14p12-------------|
|-------------------------------------14-13-12----|
|----------------------------------------------15-|

drive-thru order

2007-06-11T07:08:33Z

i'd like some patience please. my current stash has all run out.

they only want you when you're seventeen, when you're twenty one, you're no fun.

2007-06-03T14:21:27Z

ladytron, peaches, porcelain and the tramps, le tigre, chicks on speed

perez is boring me now

2007-06-02T01:38:25Z

pinsandneedles in my left foot.
the weather is shit
new stockings to get
the old ones have to be wrapped around the tomato plants

missing the bullshit.

2007-05-31T14:31:48Z

i'll just take up some sort of opiate or watch alot of non-romantic comedy sitcoms.

no, not really.
sleep would be a good idea at 12:30

uoykcuf

Ben Lee

2007-05-27T13:50:02Z

I'd really like to think that we ARE all in this together.
Optimistic fucker.